Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts

Monday, 3 August 2015

Day of the Tentacle History Lesson: Part 2


Part two of my little guide to increasing your enjoyment of Tim Schafer's and Dave Grossman's seminal adventure game classic DAY OF THE TENTACLE. The game makes many a reference to a somewhat mythological version of American history, which is great if you're an American. But what if you're not?

Here's a bunch of completely true, and no way wrong, commonly held American historical myths that are referenced to in Day of the Tentacle. Ok, so maybe some of them aren't actually true (of course Benjamin Franklin didn't discover electricity), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't use this website as a reference to back up your next pub argument.

Part one is here!

Thanks to the awesome people at the Double Fine forums for helping out with this list!

Betsy Ross

...and the American Flag


Betsy Ross, a modest and self-reliant seamstress, is approached by the founding fathers to see if she could produce a national flag for the new country, based on their design patterns. She was apprehensive, but willing. "I do not know but I could try; I had never made one but if the pattern were shown to me, I do not doubt of my ability to do it." It took the founding fathers a few attempts to get their designs right, but Ross was successful, and so history was made.

Key takeaway: Betsy Ross made the United States national flag from the founding father's designs.


Benjamin Franklin

...and electricity

Benjamin Franklin did something with electricity with a kite that had a key attached. It's all very complicated and weird, and nobody really understands it, but basically by flying a kite in a storm, with a key attached, Franklin discovered electricity.

Ok, while that does appear to be the general understanding on this myth, here's a little more information that makes it make more sense: Franklin's experiment was actually an attempt to prove that lightning and electricity (which was still poorly understood at the time) were one and the same thing. To prove this, he sent a key up into the air on a kite during a storm. Eventually lightning struck the kite and Franklin brought the kite down to earth. If his argument was correct, the key would have a ton of static electricity stored in it, just waiting to zap the next person who decided to touch it, and lo, if he wasn't right.

Key takeaway: Benjamin Franklin "discovered" electricity with a key tied to a kite in a thunderstorm (leading to the kite being struck by lightning)


...and the National Bird

Benjamin Franklin was not convinced that the United States should be represented by a bald eagle, and believed the national bird should have been a turkey. He wrote that he found the bald eagle to be of "bad moral character", as it lazily poaches its food from other animals, and is a "rank coward" as it can be driven from an area by a bird no bigger than a sparrow (the kingbird).

He concluded from this that, "the bald eagle is therefore by no means a proper emblem for the brave and honest America", and instead looked at the turkey more favourably: "The turkey is in comparison a much more respectable bird, and additionally a true original Native of America, and a bird of courage."


Key takeaway: Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey to be the United States national bird

The Pony Express

The Pony Express was the fastest mail service in the United States, and became legendary for the speed of its delivery across the country.


...and the red flag on the mailbox 

Don't forget, when the flag it up on a mailbox, it means that there's outgoing mail inside waiting to be picked up.





This I've missed something? Comment and let me know! And don't forget to read Part One!

Sunday, 2 August 2015

Day of the Tentacle History Lesson: Part 1

Fans of classic LucasArts adventure games will know that Tim Schafer's and Dave Grossman's seminal adventure game classic DAY OF THE TENTACLE (which is due for a Special Edition some point soon) makes references to a slightly-exaggerated (but still very popular) version of American history. There are some great references to get if you're American, but what if you're not?

With that in mind, here are a bunch of completely true, and not in anyway exaggerated or simplified, commonly-held American historical "facts" that are referenced to in Day of the Tentacle, for us non-Americans.

These are the stories you would have heard growing up as a child if you were raised in the US (that you'd later learn as adult were a bit more complicated). They are the shared folklore of the United States, and they are referenced to heavily in Day of the Tentacle.

Enjoy!

Some basic scene-setting

During your time in the world of Day of the Tentacle, you'll meet some founding fathers of the United States; George Washington (soon to become the first President), Benjamin Franklin (famous inventor), Thomas Jefferson, and John Hancock. They've declared Independence from Europe, but now they're trying to write a Constitution for their new country.

See also: Part two!

Thanks to the awesome people at the Double Fine forums for helping out with this list!

George Washington... 

...and the Cherry Tree


A six year old George Washington was given a hatchet to play with (hey, it was the 1700s, things were different back then), and it became one of his prized possessions. He would enthusiastically hack at just about anything he could get his hands on, but usually his mother's plants.

One morning, however, he got a little bit carried away with his hacking, and, while nobody was watching, chopped down a beautiful young English CHERRY TREE in his family's back garden.

As it turns out, the tree was a particular favourite of his Dad's, and when he saw what befallen (heh) it he was very angry. He called over his favourite hatchet-happy son, and began the interrogation.

"George," said his father, "do you know who killed that beautiful little cherry tree in the garden?"

George realised he was in serious trouble, but braced himself for punishment and told the truth anyway: "I can't tell a lie, Pa ; you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with my hatchet!”

His Dad was so surprised and impressed with his son's honesty in the face of inevitable punishment that he immediately forgave him. "A son's honesty is worth more than a thousand trees!", he said, and gave him a big hug.

Key takeaway: George Washington likes cutting down cherry trees.

...and Valley Forge

Later in his career George Washington commander of the US Army, and things weren't looking good. The British had just taken control of Philadelphia, and were close to victory. Washington's troops were so close to collapse that he had no choice but to retreat to Valley Forge in the hope of getting them some much needed supplies and rest. Unfortunately they found anything but.

Congress had been unable to get supplies through, so his men suffered an incredibly harsh winter at Valley Forge without clothes, blankets, or appropriate food.

Washington refused to give up, however, and forced his men to stick together through the cold, hard winter, despite the terrible conditions. If he hadn't, it's considered that it might have been the end of the Revolutionary War.

Key takeaway: George Washington can handle a bit of cold weather

...and his wooden teeth

George Washington had false teeth... made from wood. Yes, really.

Thomas Jefferson

Hey, it's that guy from the nickel!


John Hancock

...and his massive signature


John Hanock's signature on the Declaration of Independence (and other documents) is always so damned big.


Remember: All of the information here is completely true and in no way a simplified or exaggerated version of history.

Read part two now!

Saturday, 1 August 2015

This just in... from 2050

A few years back the BBC started a season of speculative fiction called "What If?", and these funny short news reports, purported to be from 2050, were part of that broadcasting.

I think they're rather brilliant. They feel very real (even if, aesthetically, they've already dated), and I can believe the reports coming true at some point in human history. They just ring true, but with a bit of a cheeky wink. Very clever and amusing.

Will they be loosely accurate, or will they say more about today than about 35 years from now? I hope I live to 2050 to find out!








Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Becoming a billionaire in Grand Theft Auto V using BAWSAQ stock market!

I'm super pleased to announce that my latest pet-project has gone live; It's a simple website designed to help players of Grand Theft Auto V become billionaires using the ingame BAWSAQ stock market (it's fun, you know). It began as a project to re-sharpen my coding skills after an extended break and turned into a bit of a labour of love.




It's still early days, but I've designed it to be as simple as possible, and hopefully it will be very useful to players of Grand Theft Auto! New features will continue to be added, too.

Visit the site: http://www.gta-bawsaq-billionaire.com

Let me know your thoughts and feedback if you use it!

UPDATE: The API has broken, so the site no longer functions as it should :(

Sunday, 11 August 2013

I, Partridge Tracklisting (Complete)

After watching ALPHA PAPA and really enjoying it, I dug out my copy of I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan by Alan Partridge and decided to give it another read. This time I wanted to enjoy the full Partridge experience, so I compiled the recommended tracklisting from the book (all mention of which is sadly missing from the audiobook, I might add), to enhance my reading pleasure.

Here's the complete* tracklisting for your enjoyment.



* - Unfortunately two of the 46 tracks could not be found on Spotify, but fortunately there were some sterling-quality cover versions available. With such, ahem, "good" substitutes, who needs the originals? I'm sure Alan would approve ;)

** - The two tracks were: License to Kill by Gladys Knight and Alright Now by Free.

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Patton Oswalt's Deleted Scene from "Die Hard"

Patton Oswalt used to have a MySpace profile, and way back when, he posted this little treat for Die Hard die hards (like myself). His profile, and his blogpost, have long been deleted, but I found a copy and thought I'd repost it here, for posterity. I've added photos to help you remember which of the characters he's referring to. I even asked for his blessing and got it.

So here it is. It's just a bit of fun. I hope you enjoy it!

Keep up to date with the hilarious Patton Oswalt at his website: http://www.pattonoswalt.com/ 
(If you think this is funny, you haven't seen anything yet!)



INT. – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

HANS GRUBER, German criminal mastermind, meets with a crew of international, professional thieves.

HANS GRUBER
Thank you all for coming. I trust your respective flights were uneventful. 
(He reads from a Filofax)
Your presence indicates to me that each of you has reviewed my plan for the Nakatomi heist, and that you've agreed to participate. You will each receive a generous share of the $640 million in negotiable bearer bonds we will steal from the vault.



THEO
Hate to speak out of turn, but I had a question about that.








MARCO
We all did, as a matter of fact.

HANS
Oh?









THEO
Yeah. And since I'm the one with the charming personality, I'll elect myself group spokesperson.
(he turns to the Karl and Tony)
Guten tag?







They both cock their heads, confused.


HANS
They're Swedish.









THEO
Oopsie. I keep forgetting. I owe you guys a Swiss Miss.










Uli eyes a bowl of M&Ms in the middle of the conference table. Eddie watches Uli intently.


EDDIE
(under his breath)
C'mon…c'mon, just take one.








ULI
I heard that.









EDDIE
Well, you've been eyein' them candies ever since you got in here.








ULI
Well, I'm a nervous eater. I've got a wicked sweet tooth when I'm nervous.








HANS
What is there to be nervous about?









THEO
Well, there's one hole in the plan. At least, there's one detail you've left out.








HANS
Every conceivable detail has been paid attention to.









THEO
Except the electromagnetic lock on the vault. You know I can't crack it. None of us can.








HANS
I've got that all figured out.









THEO
Well, could you maybe share it with us? That's what we're all nervous about. We like the whole blowing the roof to cover our escape, and the driving away in the ambulance during all the confusion.








KARL
But we've all invested a lot of time and money, not to mention many of us have traveled a long way.








MARCO
All the way from Italy, in my case! I am almost out of my favorite cigarettes!

THEO
So we need you to tell us exactly how you'll crack the electromagnetic lock.









Hans stares everyone down. This is a crucial moment, and will decide whether these sober, risk-averse professionals will proceed.


HANS
I would much rather surprise you with the solution during the heist.









THEO
You're serious? All of this build-up, and we're going to have to take it on faith you've got it worked out, plus be excited about it being a surprise?







HANS
Yes.











Everyone stares at Hans, then at each other. This does not look good.

Then:

KARL
Okay!









THEO
Yep! I think I speak for everyone when I say a surprise might be kind of fun!







MARCO
It's worth the risk!








HANS
I'm so pleased.











Uli finally steps back from the M&Ms. He doesn't take one.


KARL
(to Eddie)
Told you.









EDDIE
Damn, I had fifty bucks on this guy.










He hands a fifty dollar bill over to Karl, and everyone leaves the room.




Nerd Alert!
Excuse me while I geek out a bit. I ended up reading the script, and as it turns out, this particular issue was covered...

VAULT ROOM - 31ST FLOOR                               73  

        Hans and Theo enter the safe room.  The huge corporate safe
        looms in front of them.  Theo places three kit bags onto a
        table and rolls up his sleeves.  He swivels a computer console
        into handy reach, sits down.

                                HANS
                 How long?

                                THEO
                 Thirty minutes to break the code...
                 Two hours for the five mechanicals.
                 The seventh lock...that's out of
                 my hands.

                                HANS
                 If our plan works...the FBI will
                 get rid of it for us.

        Theo grins, begins typing.
But the line was cut, presumably to keep the audience in the dark, so it's possible they did discuss the plan -- but we didn't see it. Well, that could have been the case if it wasn't for this exchange (also from the original script)...

293     INT. VAULT ROOM - NIGHT                               293

        Hans and Theo lean over a monitor watching a DWP truck near
        the parking garage.

                                THEO                                  *
                        (tapping the screen)
                 There's the city engineers...they're
                 going into the street circuits...But
                 who are these guys in the suits?

                                HANS
                 That's the FBI...ordering them to cut                *
                 the building's power.  They're as
                 regular as clockwork...or a time lock...

        ON Theo's look:

                                HANS
                 ...the circuits that cannot be cut...
                 are cut automatically in response to
                 a terrorist incident...You ask for
                 miracles, Theo...I give you the FBI...

                                THEO
                 When you're hot, you're hot.

(I'm glad they cut Theo's last line!)

So it seems that this little inconsistency was introduced as part of a rewrite, or at least that's the only reasonable explanation I can think of for having Theo be completely in on the plan in one scene, but still need it explained to him later. I seem to recall McTiernan saying during his commentary that the script wasn't finished when they started shooting. I guess it's stuff like this that he was referring to.

Whatever the reason, I do think it works better the way it happens in the film. Yes, it's not quite logical, but it's much more of an enjoyable moment for the audience when the plan's cleverness is revealed... which leads directly into the "joyous" moment that McTiernan was so keen on getting when the vault finally opens.

As he explains it: In Die Hard, the villains are the protagonists, and McClane is the antagonist. As such, we need to feel their joy when they get what they want. It's an usual twist, but it works brilliantly, and our excitement probably would have been dampened if we knew exactly what was coming.

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

The "Raiders of the Lost Ark" Story Conference Tapes [ebook edition]

When the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" Story Conference transcriptions appeared on the internet in 2009, I was absolutely overjoyed. To be given the opportunity to see inside the writing process of one of the most iconic movies from my childhood was a wondrous thing. The only downside was that it was only available in PDF format, and a lot of e-readers, like mobile phones and Kindles aren't great when it comes to PDFs.

That's why I decided to put it in an e-book format for easy reading!

I've created two versions:
ePub - for iPhones, iPads and other e-readers that can handle the ePub format
Mobi - for Kindle users

Latest version 1.2 - Fixed a (another) ton of typos! (Should be pretty solid now.)

epub mobi

Simply take your pick!

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

So you want to go to Hollywood?

This questionnaire is something I read on Bruce Campbell's website 10 years ago. I found it so thought-provoking that it has stayed with me all this time.

I recently wanted to show it to a friend but was dismayed to discover it was no longer to be found on the internet. Thankfully, after some jiggery-pokery involving The Wayback Machine (a website hosted over at Archive.org), I was able to retrieve a copy.

I think it deserves to be preserved and, if you've ever entertained notions of working in the dream factory known as Hollywood, contemplated.

I hope you find it as interesting and provocative as I did.

Top tip: There's no wrong answers, so be honest with yourself.

Visit Bruce Campbell at: www.bruce-campbell.com. Also, buy his books!


To all good people contemplating a leap into the frigid waters of the entertainment industry, please read the attached questionnaire. I consider this to be a kind of litmus test for those of you with grand aspirations. Read, ponder, act...

Best,

Bruce "Mr. Know-It-All" Campbell


I aspire for a career in the film/television industry because:

    a) I need a quick million.
    b) I have personal problems and being rich and famous will solve them.
    c) I failed as a Clinical Psychologist.
    d) I've got show biz in my blood.

My ultimate goal(s) is(are):

    a) To win an Academy Award © or:
    ___1) An Emmy.
    ___2) A Star on Hollywood Blvd.
    ___3) A trip to Disneyland.

    b) To be famous. I will be famous when:
    ___1) I win a Peoples Choice Award.
    ___2) I get recognized at my high school reunion.
    ___3) Everyone on the planet knows and loves me.

    c) To be stinkin' rich. I will be rich when:
    ___1) My phone stops getting cut off.
    ___2) I can buy medicine for little Billy.
    ___3) I can do a leveraged buyout of MCA and cast myself in anything I want.

    d) Both b and c.

    e) To be gainfully employed doing what I enjoy.

My main cultural influences are:

    a) Films where things blow up a lot.
    b) Nick at Nite.
    c) Literature.
    d) Life.

I hope to become involved in this type of project:

    a) Story-driven.
    b) Genre-driven.
    c) Forget it, Mom will drive.

I know I am talented because:

    a) Um, because my friends and loved ones say so?
    b) I know it in my heart.
    c) I received the "Ken and Barbie" award in high school.
    d) I have an extensive resume.

I define talent as:

    a) The ability to do one thing, really well.
    b) The ability to be mediocre at lots and lots of things.
    c) The ability to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
    d) The ability to make my friends think I'm cool.

My unique talent lies:

    a) In front of the camera - I want to act.
    b) Behind the camera - I want to direct...oh yeah, and write too...
    c) In front and behind the camera - I want to be a hyphenated person.
    d) Behind the Auto Parts store.

I define the success of a film by:

    a) How well it does at the Box Office.
    b) How well it is received by the critics.
    c) How hard everyone worked on it.
    d) How many good-looking women/men I met on the crew.

I will be successful when:

    a) I meet the right people.
    b) My new Hummer arrives.
    c) I own my own island.
    d) I get that tummy tuck for Christmas.
    e) Hell freezes over.
    f) Nonsense, I am successful now.

I will fail if:

    a) I don't meet the right people.
    b) Failure is not an option.
    c) Enough people tell me I will.
    d) The odds are too great.

The market price of my soul is:
(hint: you will need to know this at some point)

    a) $1,000,000 in tax-free Municipal Bonds.
    b) 3 magic beans.
    c) I cannot be bought! My self-esteem is priceless!

* Take this test before you ride the rails west.
Hint: There are no right or wrong answers.

Thursday, 9 October 2008

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Joss Whedon's latest bundle of joy...

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is only available until July 20th (after which you'll be forced to pay for it), so go watch it for free while you can! (Yes, that is Doogie Howser. Yes, that is Captain Reynolds.)

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Sunday, 30 December 2007

Incredible

Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Have a great New Year's!


Read more about the video here:
http://dvice.com/archives/2007/12/lumbering_stran.php

Also, a little chuckle for the New Year. Some witty souls decided to replace the audio track on an insane bit of guitar wankery.



Happy 2008!

Sunday, 21 October 2007

Cool new website...

This just a tiny post to say that there's a rather good new site here: http://www.freerice.com/index.php

You test your vocabulary skills and learn while you're at it. It is fun, honestly. Your enjoyment also has the side-effect of donating rice to poor countries, too (just go and have a look, will you).

I managed to score at my best, 41, and, at my worst, 30. How about you?

Also, hot on the trails of Pretend to be a Time Traveller Day, is May 25th's Towel Day, in memory of Douglas Adams (although Towel Day actually came long before, but that's time travel for you).

Wednesday, 10 October 2007

A brilliant idea! (Not mine.)

This is a rather brilliant idea, and I wish I could claim it as my own, but Dresden Codak creator, Aaron Diaz, (I've not read it, either) has come up with an excellent idea for a new public holiday (or indeed, just a great fancy dress idea).

December 8th, 2007 - Pretend to be a Time Traveller Day!

On Dec 8th you dress up and behave as if you are from a different century. Mr Diaz explains you choices:

#1: Utopian/Cliché Future
Star Trek! Imagine you're Picard or Kirk (or from any other similar sci-fi) and you've suddenly been sent hurtling through time.
Think all-in-one velour outfits. You're completely out of your depth, but also very polite. Interact with wonderment at all the "primitive" technology and show extreme ignorance in operating it. Expect everything to be voice-activated; vending machines, pay phones, elevators, etc.

- Ask shops if they'll accept Credits for payment. Act very "proper" and polite. If you're travelling on public transport, sit-up straight and look around at everything.

-
Try to "hide" alieneqsue features, like Spock ears under a sweat band, and then act self-conscious about them.

- Refer to things that don't exist, for example: "Where's the nearest matter transporter?"

- Refer to cars as "vessels" or "ships" and when travelling in one, look confused when trying to put on your seatbelt.

- Stop people in the street and ask them if they've seen any of your crew-mates, describe them as being basically human, but then add alienesque features at the end
. Eg. "Quite tall, brown hair, heavy build... big wrinkley forehead", "She's my height, with blonde hair, blue eyes, green skin, big smile", etc.

Remember: You'll be trying to "fit-in", so explain your behaviour by "pretending" you're joking: "Of course! I was thinking it had an holo-fusion reactor... How silly of me! (nervous over-the-top laughter)." Then act lost by randomly changing direction.

#2: Dystopian Future
This one offers a little more flexibility. It can be any kind of future from Terminator to Mad Max. The important thing to remember is
dress like a crazy person with armor. Black spray painted football pads, high tech visors, torn up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there. Remember, dystopian future travelers are very startled that they've gone back in time. Some starters:

- If you go the "prisoner who's escaped the future" try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you've never seen it before.

- Walk up to random people and say "WHAT YEAR IS THIS?" and when they tell you, get quiet and then say "There's still time!" and run off.

- Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell "NOOOOOOOOO"

- Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished.

- Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say, "In thirty years dial this number. You'll know what to do after that". Then slip away.

#3: The Past
This one is more for beginners. Basically dress in period clothing (preferably Victorian era) and stagger around amazed at everything. Since the culture's set in place already, you have more of a template to work off of. Some pointers:


- Airplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while.

- Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic grocery doors. Stay there for hours playing with it.

- Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and shorts on women are especially scary.

And that's pretty much it. Just remember, try to fit in! You obviously wouldn't want people to know you are from another when, so never admit you're a time traveller and make really bad attempts at keeping a low profile.

Not sure yet how I'm going to go... Its a toss between the past and dystopian future... leaning toward dystopia right now.

Anyone else want to accompany me on my imaginary trip through time?

What a hilarious idea, and certainly one that could down well at fancy dress parties, too! Kudos to Aaron Diaz (whoever he may be) and Flint Paper (whoever he is), whose blog I found this on!

It's the new Talk Like A Pirate Day!